“So, tell me about yourself.”

If you’re like most people, that question just made you shudder. It can seem like a no-win situation.

Tell someone you’re awesome, explain why you’re “all that and a cookie,” and watch their face as they decide you’re an unlikeable, arrogant jerk.

Downplay your accomplishments, and leave the conversation wondering if you just missed a great opportunity for a strategic connection.

Believe it or not, there is a middle ground. When self-promotion is done right, it can help you build relationships and accelerate your career. Here’s a few tips for positive self-promotion.

But how do you know when you’re doing it right? Let’s explore some best practices.

1-Play Conversational Volleyball

When someone says, “Tell me about yourself,” they’re usually trying to start a conversation. When you answer with a monologue about the yeast composition of your bread dough, you’ve missed the point. Sure, go ahead and tell them you have a passion for breadmaking. Then hit the conversational ball gently back to them. “What about you – do you enjoy cooking?”

Part of our discomfort with self-promotion is the fear that we’re unnecessarily boring someone. (We’ve all been on the other end of that monologue, and it wasn’t fun.) Before you launch into details, toss the conversation back to the other person. If you share an interest in making bread, the conversation should take off nicely from there. If not, you’ve left the door open to find something else you have in common.

2-Be Genuinely Excited

When someone is grateful and excited about a new opportunity or award, we want to celebrate with them.

Don’t downplay an award as “not a big deal.” Don’t boast about your new job or explain why you clearly were the superior candidate. Just be grateful and excited.

3-Focus on Helping the Other Person

Let’s say you’re a social media expert, and you’re talking to a small business owner who shares how overwhelmed she is following up social media leads with emails.

You could spend 10 minutes telling her about your expertise. Or, you could simply offer a suggestion for a program or protocol she might use to make the process easier. In fact, if this is a connection you want to cultivate, take her contact information and offer to send her some information about your suggestion.

If the article you send happens to be one you wrote, all the better. She’ll be a lot more willing to continue the conversation if you don’t tell her in in advance that you’re the author.

4-Ask Others to Share First

One of my favorite colleagues routinely greets people by asking, “So, what cool thing are you working on?” He’s genuinely interested – it’s an open invitation to tell him what’s new in your professional life. There’s two things about this approach that make it powerful.

First, you’re developing a “norm” of being someone that people share work-related accomplishments with. When you have a win to share, it will seem perfectly normal to do so.

Second, you are given the opportunity to see people who self-promote well – and those who aren’t so gifted. You can learn from the techniques of both. In particular, look for situations where people involve you in a conversation about their project. Watch how they engage you, and don’t hesitate to borrow some of their best practices.

5-Brag About Someone Else

It’s often easier to talk about your team, your partner, or your co-worker than it is to brag about yourself. So go ahead and do that! In fact, plan it beforehand. When a friend opens the conversation about your latest degree or promotion, it’s more natural to segue into a story. Just be sure you develop a strategic “wingman” relationship, where they know the things you’d like broadcasted too.

If you’d like to further develop your self-promotion skills, check out my new course on Self Promotion in The Confident Millennial school at Teachable: https://confident-millennial.teachable.com/

The Art of Self Promotion